Post by ashliy on Dec 28, 2016 22:19:29 GMT
Sabotage
Definition:
Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Like Living with Land Mines
In a healthy relationship, everyone is generally doing their best to maintain peace, calm and mutual kindness. However, some people with Personality Disorders will engage in relationship sabotage, by lobbing some kind of manufactured chaos or crisis into the heart of the relationship with the explicit aim of causing damage.
Some of the ways this may occur are through sudden verbal accusations or rages, feigning illness, quitting a job, having an affair, wrecking a car, spending a large sum of money, destruction or theft of property and self-destructive behaviors such as self-injury or suicide.
Passive forms of sabotage also exist, including withdrawal of co-operation, failure to keep promises, silent treatment, prolonged physical or emotional absence, abandonment of shared values or inappropriate exposure of shared property and finances to risk.
There are three primary motivations for sabotage:
Narcissistic Sabotage - any action designed to hurt, or damage the interests of another person or group for the purpose of making a direct, personal gain.
Provocative Sabotage - any action designed to hurt or damage the interests of another person or group for the purpose of provoking a reaction from them.
Histrionic Sabotage - any action designed to hurt or damage the interests of another person or group for the purpose of drawing attention to oneself or to earn a reputation.
Narcissistic Sabotage is easier to comprehend, since there is a clear and immediate payoff for the saboteur (even if it is short-lived). Some narcissists may secretly sabotage another person so they can feel more powerful and successful themselves. Others may do it more openly.
Provocative Sabotage is more complex. The gain for the saboteur comes from the ensuing conflict or chaos - usually a conflict which the provocative saboteur has calculated that they can “win” or make indirect gains from.
Histrionic Sabotage is less obvious. The gain for the saboteur is the attention itself. The histrionic saboteur may seek infamy, fame, recognition or significance in the eyes of the victim and in the eyes of any witnesses. The loss the victim suffers is rationalized as a means to an end.
Acts of sabotage are usually tools a person will use in an attempt to try to feel better about themselves. The net result of all three types of sabotage is the same: the saboteur gets something they want and the victim loses something they wanted to keep.
What it Looks Like
Narcissistic Sabotage -
A teenage son steals your money to buy drugs.
A co-worker secretly gives a bad report about you to your boss.
A spouse spends the household monthly budget on a luxury purchase.
Provocative Sabotage -
A co-worker publicly insults you in a meeting
You arrive home to find your music collection ransacked and destroyed.
A former girlfriend sends you 20 insulting text messages in a day.
Histrionic Sabotage -
A schoolyard bully hits you to look tough in front of his friends.
A former girlfriend throws a drink over you at a party.
Your girlfriend picks fights with your ex-wife.